Feeling Inadequate
From the very first moment they are born, you would do anything for your child(ren). If you are a half-way decent parent, that is. Your whole mentality changes regarding their care and what's best for them. Because of this mindset, I decided to breastfeed my baby. I barely had any problems in the beginning. None of the horror stories that you hear from a lot of first-time moms. Just a little soreness the first few days. (And no... I didn't "prep" myself with a toothbrush and aloe, as one of my friends told me to do!)
After months of practically painless and enjoyable moments of feeding my little girl, I have returned to work. Now the joy that was once felt in the knowledge that I was bonding with my child during feedings has been replaced with the feeling that I'm working in a dairy farm! Needless to say, I continue to express breastmilk for my baby, but it seems like a losing battle. While I am still producing milk, I cannot seem to pump more than 3 or 4 ounces at a time. This gives her about one feeding while I'm away and the rest of the time she drinks formula. My plan is always to stock up and freeze the milk so that's all she'll have, but I just can't seem to catch up. I don't know if the problem is my pump or me, but it's just not working very efficiently.
And I can't help but think of a time when I was the only one that could feed her and provide her nourishment, and I can't even do that for her. Unless you have been through something like this, you cannot understand why it makes you so emotional. You feel like you are no good to your baby anymore. You feel like a failure. It may not make sense, but the love of a mother holds no logic.
posted by jessframpton @ 6:18 PM
3 Comments:
I had the same issues with pumping with both my son and my daughter. With my son, I quit breastfeeding at 4 mos. With my daughter I was determined to make it to 6 mos without supplementing. I contacted a lactation consultant who suggested a product called "More Milk Plus." It is kind of a pain to take it, but it worked wonders for me and helped me make it to my goal and beyond. You are already pumping more at a time than I was. I could only get about 2 oz at a time and I pumped 2-3 times a day at work. It may be worth a try for you.
I hope this helps. And don't feel bad. I have been reading your blog for months and you are a wonderful mother. Don't get down on yourself because the stress you are putting on yourself affects your milk supply too.
Thanks for the advice and encouragement! It's always helpful knowing someone else was once there. I'll have to look for that product and see if it helps. It might sound a little off, but one of my co-workers told me to drink a beer if I'm having milk troubles, and it won't hurt the baby. Has anyone else hear this?
Hey Jess -- you are far from being a failure. Give yourself some credit that you are taking the time to pump and supplement her even just once a day. That says so much. With both Jacob and Hannah, I started formula by six weeks and really only breastfeed them once or twice usually overnight. Every little bit counts. You'll find many other ways to nurture and bond with her as she becomes a beatiful young girl. Hang in there.
Love
Aunt Joyce
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