Taking Over
So, the baby decided it would be fun to step on my bladder all day yesterday. There was about 4 times where I had to drop everything and run to the bathroom in order to avoid an "accident." This started at about 11:30 in the morning and lasted all night. It was the oddest feeling. Like my bladder was being squeezed and constantly needed emptying, but there was nothing to empty.
I felt like such a horrible mother last night because I just kept wishing the baby would stop moving. S/he was so active last night, it was impossible to sleep and started to upset my stomach. Dan listened to me vent about "if I can't deal with the baby while it's still inside, what am I going to do when it comes out?" and "everything I have always wanted to do in my life is just going to be pushed aside". He hugged me and made me feel better, and assured me that we were going to do well at being parents.
I know my feelings are normal, but after the apprehension comes the guilt. How could I be so selfish when my baby is only trying to live? Especially with all of the problems we've been having throughout the pregnancy, how could I wish the baby to stop moving? I'm going to be a horrible mother...
And so on... The emotions just flow out and you never know where they're going to come from or what will strike the onslaught. Thankfully, I am lucky enough to have a partner who is curious and thoughtful and will humor me when I need it most. And I think he's right... we will do well at being parents.
posted by jessframpton @ 8:14 AM
2 Comments:
I think it is sort of a cruel joke that the most stressful time of our lives thus far is also the most hormone-laden. It's easy to overreact to everything, and then to feel horrible about it. I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mom; I'd be much more worried if you had wished for some peace and not thought twice about it. A good night's sleep is very important for both of you, so it's not entirely selfish to wish the baby would settle in for a nap as well. You know you weren't wishing anything other than that, so feel better.
Jess, I have been there recently and let me tell you, I know that you may think that wishing for something for yourself seems selfish but all moms to be do it. I have seen you with your brothers and sisters and with my kids and you are going to be a great mom. Besides, you will have a ton of support and all the love that both of you can handle. Stress gets the better of you sometimes, but you will do great. So just try to get some Jess time in during all this craziness and it will be just fine. I am only a phone call away if you need to vent. Love Steph
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